Sunday, February 18, 2007

The JRuby WORLD TOUR 2007

Yes, you read that right! I'm announcing my intent to circumnavigate the globe in only NINE DAYS spreading JRuby and joy at every stop. The Earth shall be wrapped in JRuby goodness!

To celebrate this monumental occasion, I'm inviting all developers with an interest in Ruby or Java to join the JRuby mailing lists and volunteer your services. Eternal gratitude and temporary fame could be yours, for the small price of bug reports, bug fixes, or high-performance rewrites of core JRuby libraries (it's so easy!). Operators are standing by to receive your emails and direct you to the promised land!

Now, on to the tour!

First Stop: Amsterdam, Netherlands

The first leg of my journey takes me from my home in Minneapolis, Minnesota to beautiful Amsterdam. There I will enjoy an delicious airport breakfast followed by a five-hour tour of the terminal. I will be available for autograph signing from 7:00 to 11:30 by appointment only. The first annual JRuby New-Age Concert of Magic will follow from 11:30 to 11:35. Tickets are first-come, first-served; cash only, please! I will depart from Amsterdam at 11:55 via a chartered jet I'm generously sharing with three-hundred other passengers and a small KLM Dutch Airways flight crew, en route to exotic Hyderabad, India!

Second Stop: Hyderabad, India

The next part of the JRuby "World Domination Tour 2007" takes me to Sun's Tech Days event in Hyderabad. In addition to my JRuby session, Tech Days will host such scintillating topics as "iPod Giveaway" and "Java Jacket Giveaway". But on Wednesday the 21st at 3:35PM you too can learn why JRuby is the programming alchemist's "Developer's Stone", transmuting static lead into dynamic gold. The topics covered will be exactly like those in recent JRuby talks, except cooler, faster, and after 26 hours of non-stop travel and five hours of sleep. Prepare for a punchy, laugh-riotous affair! Will I be able to maintain 90WPM during my interactive demonstrations? Will I remember that "alias" takes two arguments *without* a comma and with the original method first? Join me for what's sure to be 50 minutes you'll remember the rest of your life!

Third Stop: Bangalore, India

From Hyderabad, I take a short one-hour flight to Bangalore, home to Sun Microsystems India and the third leg of the JRuby Globe-trotting Festival of Light! On Monday, February 23rd, I will present JRuby to my tropical counterparts on the opposite side of the earth, featuring the exact same topics from Tech RANDOM ORDER. You never know what I'm going to do next.

I actually have all that Sunday free and Tuesday up until about 8:00 free to do some exploring. Event suggestions are welcome, and I challenge any of you to find food too spicy for me to eat! (impossible, I say!)

Fourth Stop: Bangkok, Thailand

The next step takes me from Bangalore to beautiful Thailand, jewel of Southeast Asia and home to one of my favorite cuisines. I will be available from 4:00AM to 5:30AM for a special, once-of-a-lifetime event I'm calling "JRuby Dawn at Bangkok Airport". And the great question on everyone's lips will be foremost on my mind:

Will the airport's Thai restaurants open before I board my next flight at 6:00? Stay Tuned!

Fifth Stop: Tokyo, Japan

Continuing the Asian leg of the tour, I'll spend 80 fun-filled minutes exploring the international terminal in Narita, only an hour's train ride from the Emperor's Palace! Naturally I'll be available for handshakes and baby-kissing, and hopefully the always-humorous photograph of "buying beer from a vending machine". This trip will serve as a preview for the main Tokyo event: Ruby Kaigi 2007 in June, where I'll finally present JRuby to the Land of the Rising Sun. Come 3:10PM it's time for "so long Japan", but I'll be back soon!

Sixth Stop: Minneapolis, Minnesota

And just 9 days after I departed, I'll be home in Minneapolis again, ready for my next thrilling adventure: The Greater Wisconsin Software Symposium (a No Fluff Just Stuff event) in Milwaukee from March 2-4. Join me for my two fabulous sessions "Bringing Ruby and Rails to the JVM" and "Become Super-Powerful with JRuby", putting the greatest dynamic language ever in the palm of your JVM.